I'm sorry to be such a wet blanket suddenly, I'm not sure what's going on at the moment! I think it's got a lot to do with the impending field-season. I tend to over-analyse most things and the thought of leaving my friends and family and everything for up to 3 1/2 months (it might be 6 weeks, it might be the rest of the year, I won't know until I get there and every day I lose is an extra two or three days as it gets hotter and hotter and trapping hours are shortened...).
On one hand I worry about how the work will go, the fact that I won't know anything about the lizard activity until I get there, whether my experiments will work or not, whether my equipment is all in top condition (considering I have two separate machines needing fixing it does keep me up at night somewhat). On the other hand I worry that it's my last trip there for my PhD and as much as I know the thorns and the rocks and the heat and the weird farmers and the wily lizards, it will be a very VERY sad thing to say goodbye to what has been my other home for the last three years (I spend about 4 months a year there).
Socially i worry about leaving my friends, party in the selfish way - I get ridiculously jealous at the idea of people having fun without me and not missing me, which is incredibly stupid because I can't expect people to stop living when I'm not around. I also worry because I know a couple of my close friends are battling with pretty major issues at the moment and I feel guilty for leaving them to deal with everything on their own.
And of course, I'm lucky to have some really awesome friends, and quite a few new friends who I don't know as well as I'd like to, and it makes me sad that I'll be missing opportunities to spend time with all of them. I'm not very good at keeping in touch and as we all lead busy lives it's hard to remember to keep in contact when I'm working ridiculous hours and they're rushing around saving the world!
Of course I should just stop being miserable and get to work on the tons of stuff I have to do before I go, and even more that I have to do with the data I already collected!
So I'm sorry I'm being a bit miserable lately, I think I just need to get through this patch and then get myself off to the field before my head explodes!
On the plus side, Luke is back from Europe and it's SO nice to have him back! Welcome home!
Friday, September 04, 2009
And up...
Posted by Helen at 5:00 pm
Labels: all in a day's work, mood yoyo
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5 comments:
Just remember to take chocolate with you. Lots of it.
I'll miss you - but you'll also get a PhD out of the deal, which is pretty frigging sweet. :)
3 months!
you should write a book while you are out there.
This all sounds very valid to me. Here's hoping that it's a shorter-than-expected trip of success.
You do have net access while you're there, hey? Then at least you'll still have us online friends to keep you company. And the lizards. Although they don't talk back.
Unless you're high. Then they might.
Kath: I will do! I actually usuall keep chocolate for after a really tough day in the field... I always have coke, cheese-naks and chocolate as rewards :)
Candice: You make a good point, I'll keep it in mind!
EEbEE: I would, but nothing interesting ever happens to me. When falling down cliffs becomes normal, I worry about unleashing my mentality on the world...
Tamara: I do have net access, it's insanely slow, but enough for me to generally keep in touch (and feed my youtube addiction on rainy days...). Getting it set up has saved my sanity many times over!
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