To solve all your problems

These leaflets and signs have been around for years, generally not around the area I live in, but enough that I would see them and chuckle a little bit sometimes. I was aware of the following in certain areas, as I’ve been to pharmacies near campus where I’ve actually seen ‘Luck Oil’ on display (the things I’ll do for antihistamines) and I’m very aware of the following that traditional healers have around here.

Recently they seem to have… exploded. There are people handing them out at robots (traffic lights), they’ve been appearing in my letter-box (we live in the Northern Suburbs, not somewhere we thought there would be much of a following for miracle oils - although if they can make you win the lottery, you never know…), in the newspaper, stuck to lamp-posts…

So as any good scientists would do, we started collecting them, giggling over them, sighing over the way that they seem to be targeting groups of people who would have to save for the R100 consultation fee and then further to buy the magic oil/stick/love remote (really). From there we began to compare the grammatical errors, testimonials (Rosie van Wyk from Morningside – who has recently moved to Witbank – and Andre Mpho from Kathlehong share a cellphone number…, making sure than none of the “Healer of the Year awards coincided, as well as followng the blossoming careers of some of our favourite healers (Prof. Lumumba is doing particularly well, with almost ten different leaflets and four healer-of-the-year awards!).

We’ve collected well over a hundred (my very precise estimate from glancing over at the pile) over the last few months, from as far afield as Nelspruit and Polokwane and I felt that I must share these gems with you (click to enlarge I think):

you have to wonder what he means by “some conditions applied”… note the matching phone numbers too – they didn’t even put them on separate leaflets!

So are you disappointed in your living life? And I know I totally identify with problem 14. Although I wonder about the ‘chronicle diseases’

Ah, Professor Sir Apollo… my personal favourite, and one of the first leaflets we collected! Plus he’s one of the top 10 in the world; SCORE!

  This guy is a close second for awesome name-ness, although I worry about the stress of keeping a marriage AND an affair together…

One of many Mamas…Another ‘Mama’! Anyone got any idea why there is a picture of a hand there? High five?

These guys went to Harvard! The Harvard University of Witchcraft… in the U.S.A! And they can give you Great Success in Life Forever

Prof Dungu gets bonus points for the lion pictures AND the pixellated Africa background! Plus he can remove bad luck to good luck!

I do not even want to know about the Love Remote, K? But he does have a picture of a lion too, which has to count in his favour. Not to mention the Sex Low Drive.

There are others, but I try to keep this child-friendly(ish). Seriously, there is even a small selection with visual aids…

Have a great weekend!

Over my shoulder

So I never did the whole 2009-in-review thing. I tried and this is the list I came up with:

Finished mega-fieldwork. it was more emotionally taxing this year than ever and I did go a bit nuts, but I also got a lot of decent thinking done.

Got closer to a few friends. I'm not good at talking about my emotions, but I'm working on it, and it has been very scary and very rewarding at the same time.

Let go of control and just had fun! A year ago I would never have borrowed hats, started group yelling at random restaurants, played pool and not minded losing, jumped off a bridge or any of the other incredible things I've done/had happen to me over the last year.

Balanced a little bit better. While I miss my workaholic-type productivity, I don't often take work home on weekends anymore and I've tried to keep work and my social life and me-time balanced. It's not right yet, but I'm doing better and definitely feeling more of a person than a lab-monkey.

Got a sword (Tai Chi today *happy dance*)

Improved my pipetting technique (it's awesome and you know it!). Not that I HAD a pipetting technique, but I do now :)

I was in a little bit of a sad-phase then so I didn’t want to delve any deeper, but today as I’m STILL waiting for photos (no fault of anyone’s except a dodgy internet connection and a badly timed holiday) I thought I’d steal this from Kath Lockett. She stole it from someone else which makes it ok. It’s long. Be warned. But it’s my blog and I can write what I want!

Where were you on New Years?

At a braai (barbecue, whatever) at the place a friend was housesitting. There was swimming and food and good company and many games of Jenga and I got to sit on the roof and look at the moon a lot.

Did you drink?
Not really, I was pretty sure I would have to drive back that night and I didn’t want to have to make That Phonecall if something bad happened. Nearly being squished between a taxi, a citigolf and a concrete barrier on my way there kind of emphasised my point slightly.

Did you kiss anyone when the ball dropped?
Nope. I was trying to see the fireworks in the area ut always turned a millisecond too late!

Did it snow at all during January?
No, we’re in the southern hemisphere. it rained a lot though.

Were you single on Valentines Day?
Yip. I actually can’t remember what I did for it last year either, probably not much!

Were you in school?
*ahem* university! Yes. As always.

Any new addition into your family?
Well the lab-family got Leia, as well as two little mice (R.I.P.), Norbert, Kermit the Selaginella (R.I.P.) temporary custody of a spider, some orchids and several fish. Otherwise I got a new cousin and I’m soon to be welcoming another one as soon as they set a wedding date.

Did you wear green on St. Patrick's Day?
I did, but it was entirely accidental.

Did you graduate in May?
Graduate? What’s that? Nope, but I hope to do that soon. Hence the unoriginal posts lately, I have my coffee-break rushing to an end and then its work time!

Summer 2009 - Who did you hang out with the most?
My lizards, some random farmers, the kudu in the garden, the giraffe when they stopped by. Back ‘home’ it was CG, La and the other one who I have yet to name, as a core-group within a pretty dynamic social circle. Also Luke and Leia and friends quite a bit too.

Where did you go?
Wherever the lizards were. Or wherever they were hanging out giggling at their plans to thwart me (remember the Jamaican accents…). In Joburg it was the lab, goth clubbing, sokkie clubbing, CG’s house, the ice-rink, playing pool and various places in-between.

Did you still work?
Not as much as before, I cut down my teaching pretty drastically as well as limiting part-time work to Saturday mornings. I have a degree to finish!

Did you end any relationships?
I don’t know if they could be classified as ‘relationships’ but I did date a few people and then tell them that they should probably leave me alone… The closest to ‘relationships’ tended to dump me instead. No hard feelings.

Did you go swimming or tan more?
Swimming a little bit although the farm has no pool, so it was tanning-by-default (the rocks get pretty toasty).

Where did you spend the most time?
In the field, in the lab, at CG’s house on weekends (at one point I was waiting for them to start charging rent)

Did you take lots of pictures?
Not as many as I’d like, I’m feeling very rusty with the SLR lately, and I’m planning on taking it out much more in future!

What did you do for Halloween?
Sat in the farmhouse, I think I may have watched a movie.

What did you do on Christmas?
Had an impromptu Christmas-eve party at CG’s house, Rushed around helping get everything ready for the Arrival of the Family, ate too much, slept.

Did you get good presents?
I did! I got a lovely charm bracelet (something I’ve always wanted) and actual useful stuff, like jumper-cables for my car and a cooler box (I have a small room so more clutter is generally a bad idea). I gave myself blue hair as well.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
I think so… I don’t really remember doing anything on the actual day last year. The co-superVii tried to hug me which was awwwwwwkward (more that I jumped back and put my arms up to protect myself). The celebration was fun though, we went ice-skating and had a great time!

Drink alcohol?
While ice-skating? No…

Went to a crazy party?
Several! The best ones involve hats ;)

Spend too much time online?
I’m addicted to email. Seriously half an hour without checking it is like… torture…

Did you watch lots of football?
No, I watched quite a bit of cricket though. I guess as we’re living in the host-country for the 2010 world cup i should probably get more involved.

Did you learn anything new?
So much I can’t even begin to write it all down. how about: learned to respect myself more, learned to let go a bit, learned to have fun, learned about the joy of tai chi and sword-wielding, learned to deal with issues, learned to be more real and hide less, learned to appreciate the quiet people and the friends who don’t make as much noise as me.

What do you wish to accomplish this year?
Graduate, take more (and better) photos, run 10km (in one go), keep living and trying new things and meeting new people and just having fun!

Do you snore?
According to my family: yes, according to people I’ve stayed with: no. Both of my parents do as well as a grandparent on either side, so I guess I’m pretty much destined to rattle the ceilings at night.

Lover or a fighter?
I don’t lose my temper often, but when I do it’s not pretty. Don’t mess with my friends or my family or anything with more legs than me and I will hurt you. No pressure!

What's your worst fear?
Failure, rejection, being alone (type 2, not 1), ending up selling mangoes at the side of the road (thanks mom for using that as a cautionary tale every time I got my report from school).

As a kid, were you a lego builder?
Not too much, I liked it but I wasn’t obsessive like I was with tree-climbing, epic battles with plastic soldiers in the sandpit, bandaging up dolls (I would throw them outside, wait for it to rain and then cut my clothes into strips and bandage them (sorry Mom) and reading reading reading… plus the mission to do a cartwheel in the deep end of the pool. It’s harder than you’d think!

Were you a cute baby?
I will have to hunt down a picture and see what you think.

Do you sing in the shower?
Nah, I think too many showers at the gym cured that one for me!

Have you ever bungee jumped?
No, and I don’t plan to! I have a few issues with heights, with being out of control and with the risk of retinal detachment.

Any secret talents?
I can tell the difference between decaf and normal coffee by smell. Sometimes I can even figure out the coffee brands. I can recite conversations word for word months (sometimes years) after having them. I am very good at getting people to lend me their hats (yes Sarah the hatting post is on its way!). I can talk non-stop for ages and ages (at superspeed), but I don’t mind being totally alone for months. And I can still do a cartwheel!

What's your ideal vacation spot?
I would think a road-trip rather than a spot, maybe from here across to the west coast and then up into Namibia? I’d also love to go to Lake Malawi (or any of the Great Lakes).

How do you like your eggs?
I don’t really. Scrambled if I must have them so that I don’t think about the fact that I’m effectively eating placenta.

Do you cry at weddings?
Not usually, although my brother’s was a close one.

When was the last time you said, "i love you"
In what context? I’m not big on talking about feelings, so it’s probably been a while.

What are you allergic to?
Honey, although after about 10 bee-stings I’m still not allergic to those…

Do you like your handwriting?
Well it’s almost completely illegible… I had a friend in undergrad who had the most beautiful handwriting and sometimes if we were having coffee and she got bored she’d rewrite my notes for me and then I’d WANT to study from them! And that’s how I passed Chemistry 1.

What's your stand on hunting?
Real hunting (i.e. you walk and track and stuff) I’m OK with as it makes conservation financially rewarding. Plus hunters like that actually have a quota and after that they have to hunt with blank rounds so they don’t end up with more meat than they can use. Farming game is also significantly better for the environment than farming cows. I don’t think I’d ever do it though, I don’t like the idea of killing something. And sitting on the back of a bakkie with a rifle is Not OK! and what is up with trophies? I do not like the idea of something I killed hanging on my wall thankyouverymuch.

Do you give a darn about the ozone?
Not as much as I should I guess. I try and keep polystyrene CFC-free, and cut down on aerosols and stuff but beyond that I just wear lots of sunblock.

Have you seen the movie "Donnie Darko"?
Cool movie! I have the soundtrack!

Have you ever hitch hiked?
I live in Johannesburg. Are you flipping crazy?

Are you wearing socks?
Yip. they’ve got cartoon chickens rocking out on guitars on them.

Is drug free the way to be?
Yes. I’m not a fan of seeing things that aren’t there, I get that enough with my lab chemicals. Caffeine is not a drug, OK? (and I can quit whenever I want?)

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no. I always wanted to so that I could play with the siren! I’m tough as well as accident-prone.

What are you addicted to?
Coffee, I’m in the process of rediscovering chocolate (badbadbad), good music, hats, good company, eyeliner, tai chi, maybe running in a kind of masochistic way…

Do you prefer baths or showers?
I like both, I usually shower because I have a lot of hair and washing it in a bath is just not possible. Sometimes it’s nice to have a good soak and scrub though, I always have horrible visions of slipping and cracking my head open when I scrub my feet in the shower…

Do you like your life?
Most of the time! I’m a bit of a mood-yoyo-er sometimes, but I have a slightly annoyingly resilient optimistic streak and I have found fun in the strangest places and in the strangest situations and with the strangest people… and I think as long as I can do that, life is good!

When's the last time you cried?
New Years day, I got some bad news.

What color are your eyes?
Amberish-Brown. My contact lenses are blue-tinted so I can find them in the dish thingies, which makes them hazel sometimes. I think it depends on the batch.

Have you read "Catcher in the Rye"?
Yes, I was forced to in high-school when we had a particualrly uninspired English teacher (he wasn’t that bad, but I didn’t exactly jump for joy about the book). I had much the same response to catch-22, not bad, but why all the fuss?

Do you play any instruments?
I used to play the recorder and the piano, and I started the viola when I was 10 and played until I was 19. I’ve recently been promised guitar lessons by she-who-has-no-codename-yet. I don’t have time to really practise anything, but I really miss playing in orchestras and I hate playing on my viola because it sounds so bad, but I have fun messing around on the piano sometimes. And I rock at guitar hero. Does that count?

Do you like camping?
I don’t mind it, as long as there are decent bathrooms. I sleep as well in a tent as I do in a  building and my sleeping bag is awesome (although not as waterproof as it used to be, as I found out when the tent leaked last year). And it’s a nice cheap option considering that you pay about 6x more for a chalet than a camp-site, why would I be spending half my monthly petrol budget on the place where all I do is sleep?

Do you snort when you laugh?
Not that I know of.

Can you do the moonwalk?
No, although a friend of mine is trying to learn from a bunch of youtube tutorials – with mixed success.

What was the last thing you ate?
Pre-pilates yoghurt, I’m’ going to hunt down some unch soon, before the undergrads (*shudder*) reappear.

Do you wear nailpolish?
Not often on my fingernails as I tend to scratch it off and it freaks my birds out (they will not climb onto a hand with brightly-coloured fingernails), but I keep my toenails painted most of the time.

What's the most annoying tv commercial?
the awful Animax ones for their reality shows. I’m just there for the joy that is Takeshi’s castle and no amount of watching Kenny (or is it Spenny) peeing in his pants will make me change my mind.

Do you like someone right now?
No comment…

Back to doing analysis while chair-dancing to Duran Duran (try it, it’s fun!)

The bushpig guy

I’ve been working on writing about one of my encounters with some of the children who live here, but it got long and depressing, so I figured I’d finally tell you the story of the Bushpig Guy.

Last year the other student as here for two weeks while I was working very hard and not catching lizards due to the horrible drought. I had told her about the other side of the conservancy where I’d taken a detour once for some reason (might have been a geocache but I’m not sure) and wound up trying to drive along while taking pictures of some of the most beautiful rocks ever (I managed to do this without incident, although the pictures didn’t come out too well).

As it was cold and threatening to rain (it was actually another month before we saw any real rain) I figured I’d show her the rocks I’d seen while chatting to the farmers about trapping there (I was desperate) and acting as translator for her (she needed a ton of sites across a large area).

It wasn’t long before we started to notice differences between the western and eastern sides. Our side has large-ish properties with several generations of farmers in one place, while that side has small properties that are usually converted into guest houses, school camp locations or hunting lodges.

The people were very different too, although not any friendlier than the farmers we knew already. These were keen to help (we found out later that the head of the governing body had sent out an email warning the landowners of our impending arrival) but often barely knew their own land. They generally sort of knew where there might be rocks, but they weren’t always sure.

On top of that the properties were so small that there was no way of sneaking in and out unobserved. Usually the farmers on the Eastern side would let me trap on their land, if I could figure out a way over the fences. They would never leave a gate open or anything.

The people on the Western side asked a lot more questions about what we were doing and why and also gave us phone numbers so they could let us in, and occasionally showed us around. Some of them, one we got deeper into the conservancy were far more what I was used to, but rather than being a bit brusque and formal they would tease me by pretending that they didn’t understand or by asking question after question until my Afrikaans ran out. As it was, although I’m more than sued to explaining my project, hers required vocabulary that i didn’t have, so I was working around words I didn’t know by describing things rather than naming them – so anything fancy was out of the question!

One guy (his staff still called him ‘baas’ which upset me) was convinced that we wanted to steal his giant garden gnome collection which he had cemented across the outcrop in his front garden. We found out later that he’d actually filled all the cracks in the rock with concrete as well so it had been a bit of a waste of time. He also threatened to get his shotgun and kept trying to interrogate the other student, even though she wasn’t south african and spoke no Afrikaans beyond ‘north’ ‘south’ ‘bathroom’ and that sort of thing. Eventually he told me to stop trying and speak English and so I made her speak for herself.

There was also the guy who was convinced that we wanted his bull, which was kind of creepy and rather grouchy looking (a bit like the owner) as well as the motel right at the entrance that defies description. All i can say is… nope, can’t. Except that I had to have my foot stamped on before i could stop giggling at the dodgy silhouettes on the walls, the animal skins stuck to the ceiling and the photographs of drunk people all over one wall. One day i will get up the courage to get photographs because nobody will ever believe me!

Anyway ne of the last places we stopped at was way off the main road, I’m not actually sure how we found it. We could see some rocks so we drove up about three little roads and found a house so we stopped to see if the owner was home. After much debate we found the front door (remarkably difficult sometimes) and knocked but nobody answered.

This isn’t too unusual, people are often not around, nobody really locks their doors and i hate poking around to find them, so we went to the back of the house to see if there was someone there.

Halfway there we found a giant bathtub, painted green, surrounded by ferns and agapanthas and funny hanging plant baskets. The pipes all connected to the house, so there’s no reason to suspect that it wasn’t a fully functioning bath, just next to the house rather than in it. I’ve used outdoor showers before, and they’re amazing, but usually they also involve some kind of privacy screen or thick clump of trees or something, this was out in the open and the guy didn’t even have a gate.

We decided against exploring further and went and knocked on the front door again. This time I looked down and saw a blood-covered chunk of bone on the doorstep. I turned to the other student

“The-ah-bone-ah-weird! We have to go now!”

Before she could answer the door opened to reveal a small guy in a really dodgy tracksuit and a maltese poodle which grabbed the bone and ran off. After some spluttering I went through the usual dialogue and he was very nice, gave us directions for the easiest way to the rocks and went back into the house.

As we walked back, giggling and discussing the strangeness of it all, he reappeared behind us.

“Hey, do you girls want to see something?” My mind was screaming NO!!! but he’d spoken in English and the other girl agreed immediately so we followed him back to the house where he vanished and re-emerged with a baby bushpig!

It was the cutest thing I’ve ever ever seen, tiny with little baby bushpig patterns and hardly squealing at all! He let me hold it, but it didn’t like me much and I gave her back to him where she settled down and went to sleep. Apparently her mother had died and so he took her in as she was too young to survive. Having encountered a few in the field I shudder to think of having her as an adult, but she was really really cute!

I didn’t get a picture as I didn’t have my camera that day, although I went and knocked on the door whenever I went back there to trap lizards. I never saw him again.

And I lived in terror of arriving in time to catch him taking a bath.

Those poor farmers…

As a lot of people have been commenting on the strangeness of the people out here, i figured I’d provide a slightly more well-wounded view of what’s actually happening. You see, although life out here is a bit… odd… at times, as far as the locals are concerned they’ve been invaded by a crazy lizard-girl!

Exhibit A: i was trapping a long fissure along an outcrop, but the lizards were too smart and would evade the traps regularly. as it’s hectically long and I’d had to carry extra traps in preparation of trapping the whole thing I didn’t want to go home empty handed, so I watched where the lizards were going, hid behind some bushes, waited for one to emerge and jumped out yelling “AAAAAAAhhhhAAAAAAAhhhhAAAAAAhhhh” (Whitney Houston would have been impressed!).

Worked like a charm!

So I did it again, with a little more imagination and a few flourishes. of course right then generations 4-through-6 from next door happened to drive past. I had NO idea I was so close to the road! Of course they stopped to watch and I’d just caught a lizard so I couldn’t stop and chat, so I waved, yelled a “hello! I got him!” and ran off. I’m pretty sure the representative fro generation 4 shook his head as he drove off.

Exhibit B: I had spotted some rocks along the main road. I had no idea who the land belonged to, but I’d spoken to everyone in the area who was around and there was an excellent chance that it belonged to the same guy who owned the outcrop with the dam and the crocodiles.

It took me about twenty minutes to get up there (climbing sandstone-granite mix and dodging giant thorny vines while carrying trapping paraphernalia is always fun!) and trapping went well. All in all a good day! until I tried to go home.

The thing with climbing is that going up is usually easier than coming back down. Often if it’s not too far I’m happy to let gravity help but there are these vines that have massive thorns (they’re about the same width as pencils) and I didn’t really want to land on them, particularly with my very precious lizards in tow.

After about forty-five minutes I was halfway down when I slipped and sat down rather hard on a rather spiky rock. My pants (which I’d sewn back together any times by then) ripped and i just managed to stop falling further, although I was pretty sure the rock was going to leave a scar (it did).

A moment later someone drove past, stopped, got out of the car and said “Hello! Hoe gaan dit?”

I smiled, explained that I was working with lizards and he said “Oh! you’re lizard-girl! I’ve heard about you!” We proceeded to have a long conversation with me sitting on the spiky rock and wishing he would go away. When he asked if I needed help I declined, and pretended to be looking for chameleons in the foliage.

So you see, the farmers aren’t the weird ones! I’m sure I’ve provided many stories to keep them occupied!

The return of the mood-yoyo

This has been a tough week, hence the lack of blog posts. I have tons to write about so I hope to get back into the swing of things soon!

I’ve been swinging wildly from euphoria to misery all week, and its getting a bit unnerving. It all started on Sunday night when I got sick. But SICK. As in not even able to keep water down kind of sick. I had some paperwork to sort out in town, and fortunately it rained so I didn’t have to feel guilty for not trapping as I sat and somehow typed up progress reports for the permits office among other things and Leia yelled at me over G-talk because I hadn’t gone to the pharmacy yet.

Anyway, to cut a loOOng story short, I give you:

Happiness:

• My permits are officially in order. It turns out that the guy in charge is amazingly nice if you call him ‘Ludwig’ rather than by his nickname (‘Blackie’)
• Feeling much better and the weird medication-related dreams have stopped
• I’m almost done catching lizards. I need a few more and then i can stop trapping and get started on Phase 2.
• i thought some of my lizards were sick, but they seem to be OK (fingers crossed!), they’re certainly biting hard enough.
• It’s been pouring with rain (I thought the house was going to flood) for he past 24 hours, and the power didn’t go off much. normally rain like this is a guarantee of at least a day without electricity.
• This place is so beautiful. I was climbing yesterday and as I reached to top of the outcrop and I saw the panorama (that I’ve seen a million times and mostly ignore), the absolute hugeness of nothing hit me like it hasn’t ever before. I was listening to Keane at the time, which may explain it.

and Sadness:

• I was sick…  which means I lost a day’s work which meant sitting up until 1am for two nights in a row catching up (the work isn’t that bad, it’s the procrastination between that’s the killer).
• I’m missing Halloween AGAIN. I’ve never celebrated Halloween as I’m always busy or just not had plans. And now I get to hear about everyone else’s plans and it makes me sad.
• I thought some of my lizards were sick. which led to a frantic checking of all of them at two in the morning followed by a sleepless night. They seem to be ok, but it wasn’t fun.
• It’s been pouring with rain – hence no trapping even though the finish line is basically in sight. I have to finish this week to get back in time for my cousin’s wedding and the Killers! I also got to take measurements with flickering power – you have no idea how much fun it is to have a lizard on a treadmill when the power keeps going on and off.
• An armed response guy got VERY lost and wound up here tonight. He then left and got his bakkie stuck and came to me for help. He also greeted me with “Waar’s jou man?” (i.e. where’s your husband?). I was annoyed and therefore refused to speak in Afrikaans. So he said “Can I speak to your husband?” I told him that my husband is a mercenary and I think he went to poach a rhino. Then I phoned one of the farmers next door and told them to sort this guy out, and sent him back to his bakkie to wait for the tractor. I feel bad for being so rude, but he started it!
• This place is Just. So. Beautiful. And I can’t shake the feeling that once I leave there’ no coming back. It’ll never be Home again, even if I come to visit.

To finish it all off, I decided to wait out the worst of the storm by watching a movie, and as I’ve been a bit down I figured a kids movie might do the trick (I’m going to ignore how emotional “Meet the Robinsons” made me last time I tried this).

I should also know by now that any movie involving animals is a bad idea. and now I have the unfortunate distinction of having cried while watching ‘Beverly Hills Chihuahua’ – I’m sorry but when the big German Shepherd get invited back to the police force…

So ja, the random stories will continue, maybe when it stops raining I’ll be back in storyteller mode!

The Bathtub guy and the Leafblower Lady. Part 1

Anyway I realised that I never explained the whole leafblower-farmers wife thing. And that must be rectified! Unfortunately I have so many things to write about the people here that I will have to do it in smaller segments. Here is part one!

To start off, I’m living on a ‘farm’ inside a conservancy, which is basically a collection of little farms. Some of them are traditional farm-farms where they grow grapes or macadamia nuts or cows* and some of them are more game-farmesque. I’m on the East side of the Conservancy (it’s 30 000 hectares in total. That’s pretty big I think) which is mostly inhabited by old families that have been there for generations. They don’t like dividing the land between children so basically as soon as a son gets old enough to help run the farm and get married his wife moves in with the family and things carry on as normal. Some of the wealthier farmers even build houses right next to their homes for the eldest son and his wife.

It’s not unusual to find five generations living on the same farm. That’s the tricky part for me, because it’s very difficult to figure out who to talk to when I’m asking permission to trap lizards on their property. I’m very careful in these areas because there aren’t always fences and I can get very confused as to who owns what. And these guys are not against whipping out a shotgun at a supposed intruder (or so I’ve heard). The trick is to figure out who the oldest male family member is and ask him for permission before asking the younger guys who actually run the place. Just because Oom Piet is 94 and hasn’t got a clue about what’s going on, he’s still in charge. The easiest way to find the one ‘in charge’ is to phone the house at around 4pm, when they’d be bringing the cows in. That way you’ll be sure to get one of the wives on the line and they can be most helpful!

They are very kind people in general, although I don’t think that too much has changed in the last few centuries. Sure the veldskoen are replaced by crocs, but the two-tone khaki and kortbroek, comb-in sock sporting farmers make me feel like I’ve stepped into a Herman Charles Bosman novel sometimes. One day one of them will break out the peach brandy and pull out a pipe…

Unfortunately as charming as the old way of life may seem, there are nasty aspects. I’m fortunate in that I’m white and I speak Afrikaans which immediately makes me ‘fit in’ a little bit. I also don’t speak to any of them in formal Afrikaans, I use ‘jy’ rather than ‘u’ to put me on their level (and because I’m not very good at formal Afrikaans). Their farm workers still call them ‘Baas’ and wives obey husbands and so on. When they meet me they tend to get a bit confused. What is a 20-something girl doing driving a bakkie and running round after lizards. Shouldn’t I be married by now? They tend to get around it by deciding that I’m just a weird-looking guy. I get smacked on the back, shaken hands with, told about the rugby… and the wives look really confused.

We were told at one stage to avoid a certain farm because the people there weren’t nice. I’d already had to chat to the local butcher (who is also a horse farmer) and someone who was convinced that I was after his rather mangy bull (it looked at me and I freaked out a bit) so I was rather afraid of that place. They have a lot of dogs too which isn’t unusual around here, but they were all vicious-looking.

Anyway after much  discussion with Malcolm, my favourite pig-farmer and local gossip, it became apparent that the people were not all that bad. What had happened was that two of the mega (like 6-generations at once) farming families had spent generations peacefully ignoring each other, until the daughter of one of them married the son of the other family. They weren’t banished entirely, but sent to live on a distant corner of a farm and nobody would speak to them.

Towards the outskirts of the Eastern half of the conservancy is a creepy ramshackle house. We’re not quite sure if it belongs to the people who live there or to their grandparents who own a lot of the land in that area. They run a weird stall-type thing that sells water features made out of broken pots. The weird part: they make the pots, then break them strategically and us them to make water-features.

The only people I’ve ever seen in or around the house are three or four youngish guys. If you go in they put you on their duct-taped couch, offer you French Toast and say things like “There are GIRLS in the conservancy?” (True story, fortunately it didn’t happen to me). When they get bored they take their shirts of and take turns driving up and down the a stretch of the highway on a tractor.

No you didn’t misread that.

That’s all for today, I have to be up early tomorrow!

 

*you buy those cow-hoof things from Pick & Pay and start them off on your windowsill in some damp cottonwool

Living in the oven

It is HOT here. I’m talking fry and egg just by thinking of going outside kind of hot. Yesterday it was 35 in the shade at 4pm (that’s about 90 degrees to you Fahrenheit people), which makes me shudder to think of the kind of temperatures I work in on nice exposed (and heat-reflecting) rocks in the heat of the day. Last night I couldn’t sleep because it was too hot, I didn’t even want coffee yesterday (and I REALLY miss my coffee) and the lizards are basically not even bothering to show their cute little faces because they might just fry. Seriously I saw a couple yesterday, all sitting under nice shady overhangs (and not my lizards of course).

Today was better (although hotter according to the thermometer) as there was a slight breeze and I picked a very exposed outcrop to work on so that I would get the full advantage of any wind. It also has some nice overhangs that I could set traps in the shade (the traps in the shade (Me? Clinging desperately to the rock face setting them…). In this heat there’s no way I can set traps in full sun unless I want baked lizard.

And what the heck is going on with the geckos? I thought the ones I keep catching are supposed to be nocturnal! And they bite.

I didn’t know what day it was today. I had to figure it out by counting the lizards I could remember trapping and then adding in a rainy day for Sunday.

There is an epic ant-invasion going on here. HUGE ants, that could carry off small children. They seem to be followed by some rather large but relatively harmless scorpions.

I saw impala today! I know it’s not exactly an aardwolf, but I’ve never seen them here before (not on this farm anyway). There’s a very cool Marshall eagle that I see every day as well, and the fish eagles are making their presence heard (there’s a dam on my next-farm neighbour’s property and I’ve seen them hanging out there).

I had to lie on the rocks to get a trap out that had slipped back too far for me to reach it without my doing some impressive tool-use demonstration with sticks. I wonder if the local baboons will start using sticks while foraging? The rocks were SO hot, I may have given myself a stomach-tan through my shirt… And I didn’t realise the small depression in the rock was full of sand, so I have one brown leg and one khaki leg! I also have a burned ring around m wrist, I think my watch (which is pretty loose) rubs off the sunblock. I’m sure if the farmers didn’t think I was crazy by now…

Before I left CG gave me some music to try out while I was here and it’s been very enlightening! I LOVE listening to other people’s music, it says a lot about them. Or does it? Am I seeing previously hidden depths, or am I reading into music that I may have heard before and associating my own emotions? Either way, while some of it is a bit too screamy-metal for my taste (I like epic-adventure metal, preferably sung by Scandinavians. People don’t seem to get the distinction), there’s some really interesting music as well as some surprisingly gentle stuff that has made me understand a lot of the thoughts I had about her that weren’t connecting properly! Do you think that music reveals a lot about people? It scares me to think of what the music I like might say about me.

As much as I hate Facebook, I’ve been using it a lot here. Maybe staying connected is worth all the manipulative stuff I hate? Either way I’ve been having long conversations with a very special friend back home who isn’t going through an easy time. So I guess I can thank Facebook for helping me to get to know her after all these years where we just didn’t for some or another reason! Plus I LOVE the status updates that complain about traffic! Nothing like a little gloat!

Either way I am officially over the 1/4 mark for lizard collecting, not as many as i would have liked by the end of the day today, but considering the fact that I have to trap puny areas or climb to shade, I think I’ve been doing quite well! 

It’s so hot that my thoughts aren’t connecting properly, so I’m going to stop there.

Oh, and my connection here is REALLY bad and for some reason I can’t comment on blogs without either word verifications never popping up or weird error messages :( I AM reading blogs as much as I can though so thanks for giving me something to read while I’m out here! It’s nice to follow the real world a bit!

Crispy around the edges

I know, I know, I promised to keep blogging… (I’m hanging my head sheepishly, just in case you were wondering). And it’s not even like I’ve been swamped here, I’ve been busy, but no more than usual!

Anyway, I drove down on Saturday, and it was the weirdest thing: About halfway to Nelspruit and I got this weird feeling of going-homeness. I suddenly noticed the amazing beauty around me and the weird people driving around me (my personal favourite being the car with the “it’s not PMS, I’m just a bitch” bumper sticker – driven by an ancient man who might have been smoking a pipe – the huge sky, the open fields.

I also had a weird flashback to childhood – my dad used to like annoying me (still does), in my family teasing is the common way to show affection for some reason, and one thing he’d do was to call animals by the wrong names. Maybe it was just the zoologist in me getting started early but it drove me NUTS! Once I got used to it I decided it was ok, as long as we were consistent – so giraffe were always raffe-gee, Kudu were called lions, and so on. And of course whenever we drove past a cow field (which you do a lot in South Africa) we’d have to yell “Elephants!” So when I drove past the Oilfants river and saw a field of cows… it totally made my day!

Randomness aside, I kept driving, through several torrential downpours, and ended up doing some grocery shopping in town on my way through. I knew I was back when I got stuck behind two men in their two-tone khaki and kortbroek (no crocs, apparently rainy days call for veldskoen) having a discussion on ruck-bee in the middle of the canned-food aisle.

I made it to the farmhouse by just after 5 to find that despite the rain, the student and her team who had gone down a day before were nowhere to be seen. They emerged about an hour later triumphantly carrying about 6 lizards – it seems that it had cleared for about half an hour and they were admirably tenacious about catching the lizards that they saw. Two of them were my lizards so I got a nice headstart!

It was weird being there with people when I hadn’t adjusted to being there, and I kind of flitted between wanting to get rid of them and asking them to stay an extra night. Wither way when we woke up the next morning it was raining and so they left and I took a nap. Which lasted for about 6 hours. What can I say, it’s like I’m sleeping in my own bed at last! The insomnia is still there, but it’s down to a ‘it’s 3am, why am I awake? I must sleep… this is so annoying, I need my sle-' and then I’m out until morning stage.

Yesterday was lovely and sunny but not too hot, and I got back into the swing of things until a freak rainstorm chased me off the rocks at lunchtime. I was greeted by a huge eagle on the outcrop when I arrived (it was so close to me!) as well as a black mamba which I think may have been as scared as me. It decided to go under a rock AS I removed my traps, meaning that I looked to see what ‘that weird noise’ was to see it slithering past (about 10 cm from me). I had no idea my heart rate could shoot up so fast! I’ve been a bit jumpy since then, but at least everything is ok.

And today was hot. blisteringly like-being-in-an-oven hot! The worst part is that I know it’s going to get MUCH hotter soon! It was a beautiful day, the sky was that amazing blue that you don’t find anywhere else (other countries have blue skies, but not like ours, kind of like how our oceans are pretty, but in Jersey the sea really sparkled), I saw zebra and kudu on my way to the site, ran into a friendly farmer who (get this) spoke English! and had a pretty successful trapping day.

I got to relearn my climbing a little bit, which was fun! I’m enjoying the new flexibility that I think comes from tai chi and stretching although my endurance is lousy as always. I found a bunch of lizards in an area where I’ve never seen more than one or two, so I’m quite excited – maybe the rains have been as good for the lizards as I’d hoped! There are certainly enough insects around – I’m starting to get a bit offended by the dungbeetles flying into my head! So I’m just hoping that the weather holds out, that the lizards are plentiful (and stupid) and that I stay in the (strange) wonderfully happy mood I’ve been in for the last few days!

Here’s hoping!

Oh and the title refers to my sunburnedness. SPF40 has worked like a charm, but there are a few crispy-fried bits that are going to tan permanently (because they always do!), like my lower back, a small patch on my left wrist my upper lip and tip of nose, a patch just below my right ear and so on.

And up...

I'm sorry to be such a wet blanket suddenly, I'm not sure what's going on at the moment! I think it's got a lot to do with the impending field-season. I tend to over-analyse most things and the thought of leaving my friends and family and everything for up to 3 1/2 months (it might be 6 weeks, it might be the rest of the year, I won't know until I get there and every day I lose is an extra two or three days as it gets hotter and hotter and trapping hours are shortened...).

On one hand I worry about how the work will go, the fact that I won't know anything about the lizard activity until I get there, whether my experiments will work or not, whether my equipment is all in top condition (considering I have two separate machines needing fixing it does keep me up at night somewhat). On the other hand I worry that it's my last trip there for my PhD and as much as I know the thorns and the rocks and the heat and the weird farmers and the wily lizards, it will be a very VERY sad thing to say goodbye to what has been my other home for the last three years (I spend about 4 months a year there).

Socially i worry about leaving my friends, party in the selfish way - I get ridiculously jealous at the idea of people having fun without me and not missing me, which is incredibly stupid because I can't expect people to stop living when I'm not around. I also worry because I know a couple of my close friends are battling with pretty major issues at the moment and I feel guilty for leaving them to deal with everything on their own.

And of course, I'm lucky to have some really awesome friends, and quite a few new friends who I don't know as well as I'd like to, and it makes me sad that I'll be missing opportunities to spend time with all of them. I'm not very good at keeping in touch and as we all lead busy lives it's hard to remember to keep in contact when I'm working ridiculous hours and they're rushing around saving the world!

Of course I should just stop being miserable and get to work on the tons of stuff I have to do before I go, and even more that I have to do with the data I already collected!

So I'm sorry I'm being a bit miserable lately, I think I just need to get through this patch and then get myself off to the field before my head explodes!

On the plus side, Luke is back from Europe and it's SO nice to have him back! Welcome home!