Monday, August 24, 2009

Let the torture begin!

I know I promised myself to avoid LOLcats on here but I couldn't resist this little guy!

Anyway, on wiith the story... I was happily pushing and pulling random things at the gym last night, trying to avoid eye-contact (as you do) and watching some little kid helping some old guy to figure out the machines. The kid tried to help me too, but I refused (I mean if I wanted a personal trainer I'd ask for one, right?) And so I was finishing up when I was approached by a random guy who introduced himself as a personal trainer and offered me a free session.

To be honest I have been plateauing a bit lately and I've been considering asking someone to help me write a program that I can follow, particularly when I go off on fieldwork and there's no gym or tai chi (sob) or anything besides hills and lizards and heavy buckets.

So anyway I accepted and he started interrogating me about my routines and what I do and my goals (apparently wanting to be able to squat with my heels on the floor, run for twenty minutes without dying and manage those nasty kicks in tai chi are not good goals. Wanting a nice butt and to lose 10 kg IS a good goal. Whatever!), and he basically told me that I have no clue what I'm doing (true) and that "it's not going to be effective unless you figure out a routine based on real knowledge and understanding and hey are you south african? You sound American!" Yes, born and bred.

Next thing I know I'm' being lead off to the contraption of death which measured my BMI and body fat percentage (kill me now) and then, once he'd berated me for having rather a significant portion of me being padding and not enough being biltong (to be fair, he was really nice and I didn't flinch as much as I'd expected, except when I mentioned how unfit I used to be and he wanted to know why on earth I would let myself go so badly... well you know, I started a degree and then whoops, a few years vanished and none of my clothes would fit...), and then I got lead off to an "assessment room" where I was poked and squeezed by callipers and demonstrated exactly how ticklish I am (i.e. very) and we discussed my goals.

So tomorrow morning I am going to go and meet him at the gym to begin a series of assessments where he can see how tough I am and plan a programme. I'm excited about it - it'll be nice to have some direction, and he's promised to try and help me to squat properly with my heels on the floor which will make tai chi easier. But at the same time I'm quite terrified of having someone keeping an eye on my progress.

Which is why you should never talk to strangers. They might try and help you.

7 comments:

Being Brazen said...

Talking to strangers is always a gamble. You never know what you will get.

Enjoy gym - might be good to have someone monitor your progress :)

Leia said...

Sounds exciting.... But like he will make you work hard, which sucks... Just for the record, we are carrying on with the stretching thing - I feel much less stiff!

po said...

Hmm, he sounds quite harsh to me, I can't imagine being subjected to a fat measurer thingy, obviously he will say you need exercise, otherwise he would have no job!

SuvvyGirl said...

Well I hope he doesn't completely ruin the experience for you. Once it stops being even minutly enjoyable get rid of him!!

EEbEE said...

heheheee

(i'm imagining your face when he pulled out the calipers.)

PS i just tried squatting with my heels on the floor. it impossible...he is playing a prank on you.

henno said...

EEbEE is right, it's impossible, I just tried and fell flat on my nose...he's a fraud.

Helen said...

Being Brazen: thanks! I'm terrified but I think it'll reall help!

Leia: stretching rocks! We just need to figure out more stretches that we can do without having to touch the dodg floor!

Po: that's a good point! Sadly enough I think he might be right though...

Suvvygirl: that's good advice, thanks!

Henno and EEbEE: I LOVE you guys! Youo're awesome!