So I went off to the gym last night, to find that the bodybuilder and the creepy little guy - while still regular fixtures over the last few months - weren't there. instead I ran into a bunch of my students. It was very awkward. so I ran off to the bike that I always use and settled down to do some serious cycling, and I nearl did 30 km! i was so proud! And now I can't climb stairs without considerable pain. I've had worse though, so I guess all in all it's not that bad!
I've also decided to stop the banging-head-against wall reaction (no, not literally) that i've had towards several people lately. I guess it's harder to move on for some relationships than others, particularly when the people in question have been around for a long time. A long time ago when a friend of mine 'unfriended' me by sms I was terribly upset until I realised that while I was a bad friend to her, I also hated being around her because she made me feel incredibly guilty all the time. There are people in my life at the moment who berate and criticise and basically make me feel like I'm substandard, and its just not good.
So while I listened to some loud music (just because I listen to goth music when I exercise does NOT make me a goth!) and ignored the cramping in my legs, I decided that it has to be more than me deciding that it doesn't bother me. I have to make a more active decisiona nd stop getting myself into situations that make me feel like I'm not worthwhile.
Some people go to the gym to spend time with friends, others for the endorphin rush, or to remove the guit of eating that extra donut. I go there to figure out my life. Therapy? Give me a bike and an imaginary road stretching off into infinity!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009