Monday, June 29, 2009

The mystery of the Silver Scissors

Not really, when I was younger and gave up playing hockey in favour of ice-skating classes we used to drive past the 'silver scissors hair salon' every Saturday morning on the way to skating classes. and thus ends the mystery. The true enigma though is the way that my hair can transform completely, with no help from me at all!

The scenario is this: You go to get a haircut, for whatever reason. I have a LOT of hair so it's usually when the thinning from the last cut has grown out and I end up looking like a season 1 X-files character :
Until I give up on styling and just try to tie it back which results in another x-files impression (fortunately my clothes are generally NOT made out of old lace curtains):

(photos from here and here).
Eventually, in terror of ending up like this:
I book a hair appointment.

I love going to the hairdresser! You get your hair washed for you 9the ultimate in pamperage I think) and if I go to the right place I get a scalp massage as well that leaves me very happy wth life and so relaxed I can't stand up without wobbling slightly. And then the stylist asks what you want.

There are two possible answers to this questions. I tend to alternate between option 1:
"I want a (insert type here) cut with (insert specifics) and make sure that if I dry it (insert dream styling method of minimal effort) way then (insert ideal style) will happen. And make sure when you (insert style - layer, feather, fluff or whatever) that you avoid the small family of black widow spiders living behind my left ear!*** Ok thanks, I'm going to read my magazine now!"
and of course option 2:
"You are a stylist, which means I trust you around my head with a pair of scissors. Make me pretty! "

Now that Joey's husband's sister's husband's aunt is out of the question I went back to the lady I used to have cut my hair. I generally let her do whatever she wants, and if I give her direct instructions she has been known to refuse (and while I appreciate her stopping me from getting a fringe, or a mohawk (not that I've asked, but I'm pretty sure she would draw the line at shaving my head)) and do something that actually suits me, I was in a giving instructions mood.

Besides, she refused to dye my hair blue, and I really loved having blue hair!

So anyway they cut and trim and use the scary thinning scissors (they scared me so much I screamed "WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" the first time when she put the scissors right next to my scalp. And eventually they finish and you leave feelng all pretty - enough so that you might even skip a day or two of gym just to avoid sweating and having to wash it any sooner than is absolutely necessary.

Eventually you wash it and style it and voila: you gone from this:

straight back to this:

No effort required!

Is it a miracle? What's te word for a bad miracle? Maybe it's karma getting me back for all those years I didn't check if my shampoo had been tested on animals.

***(for the record there are no spiders, just wanted to make sure you were paying attention)
Oh, and if you want a good giggle check this out.


po said...

Waha, I look like the hamster most of the time! I have troublesome experiences with hairdressers. I just don't know the right words and what to say to make me look awesome. So no matter what I say it always comes out exactly the same, and it is always crap.

Candice said...

He he... I love the hamster pic! And the Gillian Anderson ones too.

sarah said...

how freaking cute is the hamster!! <3

ahahah hels. i think hair has a life of its own. its created to flummox us. unless you are japanese. then your hair is perfect all day every day , rain, wind, snow. bloody unfair

EEbEE said...

The joys of being a guy.
Shave your hair off once every two weeks (thus ending all maintenance) and wear a hat now and then or if it's cold.

Also I hope girls don't go through all that stuff to look pretty for their boyfriend, all a guy likes at the end of the day is a girl with a pony tail... we are just forced to say "that hairstyle looks good" because we don't like seeing girls cry.

Apologies if you are a guy and this doesn't apply to you. Go iron some pants or something ;)

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Hannah said...

This is all well and hilarious (esp the evil hamster photo) but I want to see your actual HAIR! I'm sure it's not at all evil-hamster bad... Oh and pics of the blue hair would be awesome. Was it kind of royal blue? Sky blue? Duck-egg? I'm intrigued...

Helen said...

Po: I tend to ask for advice a lot, but I generally come out lookkng exactly the same as I went in and I'm not sure why... maybe I should just be done with it and get a GHD...

Candice: Well spotted George!

Sarah: You cant really talk... I don't think Is aw you have a bad hair day in... was it FOUR FREAKING YEARS???

EEbs: girls can shve their heads too, we just choose not to... I don't have the angryness that Skin had, so I won't try!

Hannah: Sdly enough I don't haave a photo of my clue hair :( I'll see if anyone took a photo with me in it that I don't hate from back then, otherwise I'll just have to make it blue again! I miss the blue! it was pretty bight electric/midnight blue.