Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thoughts while measuring lizards

i have a dictaphone I use when I’m doing observations and transcribe later (lizards move pretty fast). I had it out and changed the batteries yesterday in an act of good faith that the weather will clear.Anyway it only records when there is speaking and I didn’t realise until I decided to double-check the tapes that I’d left it on. This is what it had on it: (This is a random section. The italics in square brackets are added in later to add some context. the lyrics are from the music I was listening to (10 points for anyone who can guess the album without Googling))

Here goes:

No… don’t bite! How do I note down that you’re just plain rude? Hmmm… I know… [‘feisty and uncooperative. Bites’] The fives are jinxed. [5 bit me, 15 bit me many times, 25 was a disaster, lets not even think about 35… So basically once I get past 55 I’m home free.] Except that 44 was a bugger too…

[One of them escaped last night while I was checking on them and I caught it between my neck and my shoulder, cellphone-while-driving style]. Who knew all those long teenage conversations on the phone while painting toenails were good for something? Don’t you agree? heh, lizards on cellphones… Let me tell you when i was an undergrad we used to add cellphones and accessories to our plankton pictures. Ok, I’ll shut up, just don’t bite me!

How do you know where you’re going

If you don’t know where you’ve been?

you hide the shame that you’re not showing

And you won’t let anyone in

A crowded street can be a quiet place

when you’re walking alone

Now you think that you’re the only one who doesn’t have to try

and you won’t … uh…. uh fail!

if you’re afraid to fly then-

No! I am going to measure your leg buddy. Fine I won’t sing. Ok then I WILL sing. Just because you don’t know the song doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it!

At the AGM… that farmer who kept nodding… Oh wow, it was farmer [Bob]! [How could I not recognise my own surrogate-family? I was going to go and thank them before I left. could have been] awwwkwaaaard! Glad I didn’t stay for dinner, huh? No don’t bite me! And while we’re at it why didn’t you TELL me it was farmer {Bob]?

Forget your pain and watch me fall apart…

Sorry chicken, I have to measure you. Just… NO! Please don’t bite until I’ve measured your head.

Lately I’m so tired of waiting for you

…mmmm…. Let me be myself

Ok paddatjie, will it make you feel better to bite me? There you go, does that feel better? Now when I let you go tomorrow you can tell all the ladies that… back leg… front leg… that you attacked the big nasty human? Is this what aliens say when they abduct humans? Nooooo… I’m being extra nice! Plus it’s cold outside, aren’t you glad you got to be in a nice warm house for the cold front? I bet your friends are al shivering and you got to have an adven- Ok let go now. Come on…. I have to measure your friends…

I knew I talked and sang along a little bit, but this is just plain ridiculous!


SuvvyGirl said...

LOL You have hours of entertainment right there :P

po said...

Bwahahahaha! I think you should play that to the farmers if you ever go to another meeting. To, you know, keep up a certain reputation that you have ;)

Kath Lockett said...

Beautiful stuff!
I talk to my dog Milly all day long, so why shouldn't you do the same with your lizards?

Tamara said...

Bwahahahaha... Just plain entertianing, more like ;-)

Helen said...

Suvvygirl: I wouldn't say hours... I have an email half-written to you, I just need to finish it...

Po: How about no, hey? I think they're already half thinking about having me committed!

Kath; thanks! Although I doubt you'd every accidentally record yourself. Did I mention I sing off-key when I'm listening to my ipod? It's horrendous!

Tamara: glad you enjoyed it!

Candice said...

I can't really point and laugh - I talk to my cat. A lot. And it's usually along the lines of "ooh! Who's got a cute tummy? Bolero's got a cute tummy! Yes she does!"