Monday, January 24, 2011

Moving on

I often wonder whether the university offering free therapy is creepy or reassuring. What I can say is that it’s useful. There are times when you want or need to talk to someone and there are no friends who you want to burden with that information. and sometimes the issues are private.

A lot of things happened over the weekend. I had a fun Friday night with the girls, a fun Saturday afternoon playing the drums and learning to read guitar tabs for bass guitar. And then I headed off to two different birthday parties.

So anyway I was standing in Goth-world late on Saturday night, struggling to blink through the weight of my eyeliner, having just discovered that my usual leaping around on the dance floor is nearly impossible while wearing 4-inch heels (logic I know, but I can run in them so I figured I could dance in them…) when I saw a friend of mine giving the barman a lesson.

The friend in question is a bartender, and in general he’s pretty good. He’s the type who remembers your name, gets you ‘the usual’ after about two orders and has listened to me whining about the latest drama in my life often enough. He’s a nice guy.

But seeing him bossing around someone twice his age, with instructions that were actually a load of rubbish just to impress the latest in his adoring legion of female followers really got on my nerves.

And I thought: I don’t want this anymore.

I’m tired of going out all weekend and being exhausted on Mondays. I’m tired of going to places that only open after 10pm. I’m tired of dressing up and being the life and soul of the party when all I really want to do is sit on the couch and watch a movie.

Other stuff happened too. The weekend went steadily downhill and I ended up spending Sunday evening crying on La’s shoulder while she was amazingly patient and more open-minded than me.

I have a lot to think about at the moment, and a lot of pretty big decisions to make. The scary thing is that if it wasn’t my situation I’d have all the answers. I know what I should do, but not what I want to  do. And I need to figure out how to get the two to combine and result in what I will  do.

Bring on the therapy.


Anonymous said...

I completely understand where you're coming from in regards to not wanting to go out anymore...I'm at kind of the same crossroads myself. I hope everything sorts itself out and gets better for you :)

Kath Lockett said...

Oh I hear you. And, when you make that break, you'll be so relieved because then you can do the things you really want to do (even if it's 'nothing').

Candice said...

Me+you+tea=chat tomorrow (while I test your over-wrought brain). In the meantime, many, many hugs to you, lady!

Anonymous said...

Totally understand this! I think it's a 20-something requirement, that we have that moment where we look around and think, "Really? Nah, not for me anymore."

Congratulations. You have officially grown up :)

Tamara said...

Yep, I remember that moment.

Sorry there's so much going on right now. Hoping you find the answers to all your pending decisions. Big hugs to you.